Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Bookending Her Day with Profanity

Cautionearmuffs for the little ones on this post!  Oh wait, they can't hear this or read.  Okay, eyemuffs for the slightly older, literate little ones!

Cara of Me? A Mom? mentioned in this recent post that with respect to nightime visits from her children who should be sleeping, her daughter Rosalie is, "...more of a Children of the Corn variety where she silently appears at your bedside...".  Oh yes, I can relate.  Georgia must float down the hallway after hours, because she sidles up with nary a scuffle to warn of her impending arrival.  We're frequently surprised to turn and find her standing two feet away when we thought she was in her bed, behind a closed door, down a full flight of stairs. 

Let me preface the rest of this story by saying that overall I would give Joe and myself very high marks in the parenting category of "Cut Off All Swearing in the Presence of Children".  I'd like to think we're not too terribly foul-mouthed to begin with, so it hasn't been that hard to restrain ourselves around the kids ever since Georgia was born.  So far (knock on wood), I haven't heard any innapropriate four-letter-words pop out of Georgia's mouth.  (Which is a good thing, because I think Joe finds that prospect so undeniably hilarious that he almost can't wait for it.  No doubt he will not have a prayer of stifiling his laughter when it does happen.)  These stealthy a.m. and p.m. visits, however, have made us realize that we're apparently saving it all up for other times of day, though.  Woops! 

(Monday morning, lying in bed.  Kate hears the door to Georgia's room crack ever so slightly over the monitor and warns Joe, "She's coming."  Approximately 10 seconds pass.  Joe somehow falls back asleep in those 10 seconds.  Enter Georgia, standing next to her parents' bed.)

(shouting directly in Georgia's face)
       (JOE composes himself.)
Oh, hi, Georgia.  You scared me!

Thankfully, none of this seemed to register with Miss Georgia.  I, on the other hand, spent the rest of the day relentlessly mocking Joe for his ridiculous outburst, seeing as how I had just told him she was on the way.

(Monday evening, Kate and Joe are talking and working on various things in the bedroom such as billable legal work, paying personal bills, etc. (real exciting stuff).)   

So what are you going to do now?

Well, I wish the magic fucking fairy would just show up and finish this fucking project!!!
       (KATE turns head to the right)
Oh, um, hi there, Georgia.
       (KATE and JOE erupt in laughter)

(walks down hall with Joe to return to her bedroom)
Why were you guys laughing?

Oh, we like to tell each other jokes sometimes.

Um, woops again!  My bad.  Joe could not have felt more vindicated and exculpated, and we had a good laugh about the whole thing.  I'm realizing now that somehow putting this story in writing makes me look like a volatile, swearing lunatic, but I promise, in context...  Okay fine, even when put in context I will accept "volatile" as an accurate description of my current emotional state.  I really am not a swearing lunatic, though.  You would've been frustrated in the moment, too!  The project in question has been dragging on for months...

Oh, hell.  Tell me we're not the only ones this has happened to, right? 


Emily said...

This made my evening! We haven't even put on the censors yet; we should probably start practicing. Meanwhile, you're totally excused: creeping child would terrify anyone and I think that the f-word is a legal term (although maybe not when used in reference to the F fairy). My sister is the one who used profanity at an early age to my parents' amusement; I just took off all my clothes. With the neighbor. ;)

jessica said...

This post made me laugh out loud :)

Maggie said...

This is one of the funniest all time posts!

Kelly said...

Absolutely hilarious. I had to have Greg read this one, as I knew he would appreciate it. The guy literally had tears streaming down his face while he was reading. Great post!

Cindy said...

Funny stuff!! :) I can sympathize.